F​*​*​* You, John Mayer

from by Chase Alden Bowes-Daniel

/
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about

Written for laughs in 2008 while he was in his prime. For the record, I think "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" is a killer jam.

lyrics

I remember hearing that voice for the first time
Might've sounded good to your ears, but it didn't to mine
You might say I'm not being fair, but I never had room for squares
And I damn sure didn't have patience for some pompous pile of dogshit like John Mayer

As time when on, I thought he'd be a passing phase
But he broadened his horizons, and put out "Heavier Things"
And now it seems like on every song
He's just trying to be Stevie Ray Vaughan
Though he's just an arrogant peckerhead that dropped out of Berkeley

CHORUS:
So fuck you, John Mayer
You and your fans
Spare the children, 'cause their bodies aren't your wonderland
You may know a few licks, but you don't know the blues-
'Cause you've never been in a poor workingman's shoes
You're just a cheap imitator who can't hold a candle to Stevie Ray Vaughan
A former friend of mine related this story to me:
John picked a girl from the crowd to go for a ride in his limousine
Before they'd gone 1 city block,
Well you know ole John had whipped out his cock
And as she stared disgusted, that conceited price said, "What? I'm JOHN MAYER!"

CHORUS

If you're hurt or offended, well John you can sue of you want to
But I don't have any money, and this song won't pay for a lawsuit
But even though I may be strapped for cash,
I can buy you a spoon so you can eat my ass
And if I ever saw you in public, this is what I'd sing:

You're a cocksucking piece of shit racist cunt-
A fudgepacking, teabagging, pederast punk
A lamb-loving, jizz-guzzling KY cowboy,
A turd-burglin' cum-gurglin' pincushion lovetoy
A browneye bandit, a rimjob Rambo, a cock-cobblin' knob-slobbin creampie commando-
Oh, I... I hate John Mayer
Yes, I... I fuckin' hate John Mayer
So FUCK YOU, John Mayer
Fuck you, John Mayer
Well goddamn John Mayer

credits

from No Time For Patience (Deluxe), released March 14, 2017

tags

license

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about

Chase Alden Bowes-Daniel South Boston, Virginia

Virginia born & raised guitar player who can turn a phrase. Decent guitar player, good songwriter, vocals like drizzling dogshit.

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